conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
