Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
