he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
