you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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