Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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