Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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