My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
