I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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