Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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