Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
