Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
