M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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