The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
