I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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