Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
