I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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