Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize