All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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