A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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