capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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