my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize