Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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