First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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