i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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