Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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