They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
