I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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