she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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