You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
