I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There's even glitter on my cock...
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