shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
