life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
