Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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