He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
