i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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