Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk