I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.