Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
