Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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