im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
