don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
