I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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