If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
