I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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