Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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