Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
