Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
