I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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