Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
