Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
