Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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