Banned from zoo.
Again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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