if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
