ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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