I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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