We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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