dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
