i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
