i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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