I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
