allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
