i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
